fad diet

one thing you should know about me is that i eat that which i love. i love mommy's feet. her small, evenly spaced toes so perfectly wiggly at 5 in the morning. it makes for good cat calesthenics to attack the toes and then to bounce away when the rest of the leg extends towards me in a kick. it is a nice way to start the day. in order to keep myself ready for future battles with the small, evenly spaced toes i have come to know and love, i spend my days doing battle with the sock that holds the small, evenly spaced toes in place during the night-time. the soft, warm material of the sock holds in the floral scent of the toes, and i can have a good, innocent time eating the socks and scratching the socks and putting shavings of kitty litter inside the socks. this morning, the socks were a bit more tasty than i am accustomed to. i dont know what mommy did to her feet yesterday. maybe she got a pedicure or something... but the socks tasted very nice and juicy to me. being imperial, i try not to eat succulent meals unless they are served to me properly. a proper place for a cat of my stature to eat is not under the bed, where mommy usually leaves her socks. i eat out of my bowl, like any self-respecting cat. well, as you can see from the picture below, i was having some difficulty digesting the sock, so my eating rate was slowed. but, i am confident i can force it down if just concentrate on teh sweet, sweet fragrance of mommy's small, evenly spaced toes.

the worst day of my life.

2 days ago was the worst day of my life, mainly because one Very Bad Thing happened. it was in the morning when mommy and daddy were getting ready to leave the house. i was attempting to carry out my Evil Plan by conquering the bathtub spirits. mommy doesn't let me go in the bathtub so i go in the bathtub a lot. anyway, i was conquering them when Big Daddy came in. he told me to move so i didn't move. then he put on the waters a little bit and they were spraying me. but i didn't mind because i like the waters because when i play with the waters i climb on the bed after and get the bed wet and mommy gets mad. so i was playing with the little waters but then Big Daddy put the big waters on and they came down fast and covered me! they kept coming down and covering me and i couldn't move. i wanted to but i felt surprised and still. then Big Daddy saw what happened to me and turned them off and carried me out of the bathtub. he patted me so i bit him 4 times. i was wet and angry. i licked and i licked for the rest of the day. by nighttime i was dry and extra fluffy, but i was still mad. but then i went back in the bathtub and almost conquered the bathtub spirits, but then i saw yazi and i went to go and jump on her. yazi is not as Evil as i am, so i like to scare her.

head on

i'll attack pretty much anything, which makes it natural that i would be an emperor. distant lands would be wise to beware.

oh how i miss the autumn

back a month or two ago, these yellow, crunchy things were flying all around the air.
now, the trees are bare.
now, the windows are closed
and my only joy is in attacking mommy's toes.

sunday

mommy and daddy left me alone all day, so i couldn't carry out my Evil Plan. no matter though - I have thought of other ways to be Evil. i recently discovered 2 things:

a) i have access to the stove top and, therefore, whatever is cooking for dinner

b) i found a dried flower in a vase that i never noticed before

the flower has already been destroyed by my Evilness. i am working on the vase. as far as the stovetop, mommy and daddy are in for an Evil surprise tonight. i cant wait to make pees in mommy's chili.....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

iloveyaz.

my vile sister

i have spent my life trying to deny the fact that i have a sister.
she has post-birth-stress-disorder. i am raising money for research.

today

i started today by biting my mommy's feet. then i scratched them. she got mad and didn't go outside all day so i didn't have my privacy and couldn't bother yazi. so i got mad too and i put some poo under the bed. then i made an Evil Plan to take over the apartment and make mommy my slave. i carried out the plan a little bit by eating a piece of her Sun Chip. but then i ran under the bed and stayed there for 3 hours because i was sleeping upside down. tomorrow i'll make mommy my slave.